I learned the hard way that telling developers “you need to change” never works. People shut down. So I started saying it differently:
I don’t want to change you. But I need you to adapt.
When you say this, you show respect. You’re not judging. You’re not telling them “you’re not enough.” Instead, you’re asking them to grow—because the team needs them.
I say this when I need engineers to step up, own problems, or cross the invisible lines on our org chart.
It works because you make it about the mission, not the person. You give people space to bring their best, without feeling threatened. You invite them in. Suddenly they care about what’s next. They want to drive, not just follow.
Real change starts here.
Not with a process, a tool, or a new rule.
With how you talk to people. Make them feel they matter. Then ask them to help you build something better.