I used to get irritated with a dev who always over-engineered everything. Every review, another layer of abstraction, another edge case covered. Projects slowed to a crawl. My first instinct was to have a real talk about focus, speed, and business value.
But before that, I glanced at my side projects:
Months of perfecting code, polishing edge cases, rebuilding for “scale.”
My revenue? Still stuck at $0/month.
I wasn’t moving fast. I was doing the exact same thing that frustrated me in others.
The truth: Your strongest reactions to teammates often reflect your own weaknesses or blind spots. You see, and dislike, in others what you avoid facing in yourself.
This changed how I handle frustration.
Here’s my simple process for turning these moments into actual growth:
-
Pause Before Reacting
Don’t launch into feedback in the heat of emotion. Frustration clouds judgment. Breathe. Buy time. It feels counterintuitive, but it’s critical. -
Hold Up the Mirror
Ask yourself, “Where in my own work or life do I show this same behavior?” This is uncomfortable, but it’s revealing. You’ll often find a direct parallel. -
Find the Real Source
Is the issue truly about output, or do you resent seeing your own flaw in public? Owning this makes your feedback more compassionate—and more effective. -
Redirect the Conversation
When you have the talk, speak from experience. “I struggle with over-complicating solutions myself. Here’s what helped me…” Now you’re leading growth, not just venting.
Every time you get triggered by someone, you get a free look at what you need to work on. Don’t waste it on blame. Use it to get better → yourself, and then your team.